[Writing task 2] discuss: international car-free days
Many people think that international car-free days are an effective way of reducing air pollution. Others think that there are more effective ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
As countless cars driven in every single day around the world affect the quality of air, -> 불필요한 문장이므로 삭제해야 함.
some people think it is effective to introduce the international car-free campaign that travel not by car, but by transportation or foot. for a day. However, others believe that there are more effective ways to reduce air pollution. Both views will be discussed, and I opine that the latter view is more convincing/persuasive.
→Make 보다 introduce라는 동사를 써야 한다. Introduce campaign!
→Thesis 문장을 추가해야 한다.(Both views will be discussed, and I opine that the latter view is more convincing/persuasive.
On the one hand, international car-free days have positive influence on the quality of air. First of all, if there is the a car-free day, people manage to will come up with the way traveling without cars. This conscious action leads to find people can bear to attend to their daily routine without cars, which eventually lower the amount of emission from driving cars. Secondly, even though it may seem like a little trial to avoid driving cars for a single day, this could lead to a significant global change. Connecting society with Social Networking Services and Internet allow modern people influence one another all around the world, which would followed by international positive results.
→can bear는 너무 한국적인 표현이고, attend to daily routine이라고 하기
→설득력이 부족함. This conscious action이 차를 안타게 만들고, 그다음에 어떻게 those process help to reduce air pollution? 에 대한 문장이 나와야 함.
→두번째 main idea에 대한 supporting idea가 누락됨.
On the other hand, I believe there are more effective methods for reducing air pollution. Firstly, instead of making people take voluntary actions, it is better to regulate factories and manage their emissions. It might seem negative to prohibit people from driving cars, therefore, focusing on developing eco-friendly and sustainable energy sources for vehicles, such as solar energy car and electronic car, is a better approach.
→take actions!
→manage their emissions 그들의 배출을 관리하다.
→설득력이 부족함. 왜 더 좋은 것인지,.
In conclusion, although world-wide car-free days are effective in raising the awareness for tackling air pollution, there are more efficient ways for introducing alternative fuels. Thus, certain standards of regulation and using alternative energy to drive cars should be prioritized in order to decrease air pollution.
→Thus, certain standards of regulation and using alternative energy to drive cars should be prioritized in order to decrease air pollution. 이것은 내용 반복일 뿐 제안이 아니다.
Total: 238 words : 단어 수 부족
전반적인 설명이 부족함.
Some people’s view; international car-free days are an effective way of reducing air pollution.
→ One of the main factors which causes air pollution is cars – cars emit a huge amount of exhaust fumes which harm the atmosphere. If cars are restricted to use for a day or longer, the rate of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will be lessened.
→ In the long-term, it could be an effective way since the number of cars increases constantly and this factor worsens the air quality as well as contaminating the air.
→ This is the easiest way of encouraging the public to reduce the usage of private cars. Launching a campaign such as international car-free days can promote people’s participation easily.
Others’ view; There are more effective ways
→ The government should impose stricter environmental laws- for example, imposing green taxes for the car usage of industrial productions which require the use of fossil fuels will be helpful
→ Encouraging the use of eco-friendly transportation such as hybrid cars or the use of alternative sources of energy for industries can be more effective to solve air pollution.
Many people think that international car-free days are an effective way of reducing air pollution. Others think that there are more effective ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
While some people think that international car-free days are effective way to reduce air pollution, others believe that there are more effective ways. Both views will be discussed, and I opine that the latter view is more convincing.
On the one hand, it is effective to introduce car-free days to reduce air pollution. First of all, one of the main factors which causes air pollution is cars because they emit a huge amount of exhaust fumes which harm the atmosphere. If cars are restricted to use for a day or longer, the rate of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will be lessened. In the long-term, it could be an effective way since the number of cars increases constantly and this factor worsens the air quality as well as contaminating the air. Secondly, This is the easiest way of encouraging the public to reduce the usage of private cars. Launching a campaign such as international car-free days can promote people’s participation easily.
On the other hand, there are more effective ways to tackle air pollution.