TED: how to manage your emotions

You and your friend need to ace Friday’s exam to avoid summer classes, and after a week of studying, you both feel confident that you pulled it off. But when you get your grades back, they’re much lower than the two of you expected. You’re devastated. However, your friend doesn't seem too bothered, and it's making you wonder why you can't shake this off like they can. But should you really be trying to look on the bright side? And is controlling our emotions even possible in the first place?

 

ace	to perform exceptionally well in sth, like an exam or task	I sometimes feel that I should ace my work.
pull it off	어려운 일을 성공적으로 해내다, 예상하지 못한 일을 잘 해내다.	I always believe that I can pull off everything I try, especially after learning from my mistakes.
devastated	절망하는	I was devastated
too bothered	너무 신경 쓰는	I was just trying not to be too bothered by what they talk about me.
shake this off	to get over something, especially an emotional reaction or disappoinment, and move on from it.	I tried to shake off my unemployment back then.

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The answer to the last question is a definitive “yes.” There are numerous strategies for regulating our emotions, and one framework to understand these techniques is called the Process Model. Psychologists use this tool to identify where and how to intervene in the process that forms our emotions. That process has four steps: first, we enter a situation, real or imagined, and that draws our attention. Then we evaluate, or appraise, the situation and whether it helps or hinders our goals. Finally, this appraisal leads to a set of changes in how we feel, think, and behave, known as an emotional response.

 

definitive	결정적인, 확정적인 ex) She provided a definitive answer to the question, leaving no room for doubt. ex) a definitive diagnosis 확정진단, a definitive guide 확실한 가이드 a definitive version of the contract 확정된 계약서 버전	A definitive schedule is released in the last week of every month. So even now, there is an unpredictable aspect where I don't know what my shedule will be for the next month.
fremework	틀. ex) The new software framework will make it easier to develop apps.	The current work environment has a soild framework for delegation and workflow which make nurses feel at ease and work efficiently.
intervene	개입, 중재, 방해. (문제 해결을 위한 긍정적인 개입) ex) The teacher had to intervene when the students started arguing.   ex) The government intervened to stabilize the economy. ex) I was about to reply, but my friend intervened and changed the subject.	The head nurse intervened in every single action I took back then, without any reasonable justification.
appraise	가치평가 성과평가 ex) The expert appraied the painting at $10,000. ex) The company appraised the new project's feasibility. ->미래에 대한 전망 평가는 안어울림 evalutate my future / assess my prospects / reflect on my future	The head nurse appraised my performance over the past year. and I ended up being recognized as the best nurse of the year.
hinder	create obstacles or delays that make it more difficult for sth or sb to achieve a goal. 방해하다. ex) The heavy rain hindered our ability to finish the outdoor project on time ex) His lack of experience hindered his chances of getting the promotion	My lack of clinical experiance and poor English skills hindered my chances of working abroad.
a set of changes	변화들을 그냥 a set of changes 라고 함.  ex) There was a set of changes in her attitude after the feedback	There was a set of changes after I transitioned to an infusion nurse.

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Each step of this process offers an opportunity to consciously intervene and change our emotions, and the Process Model outlines what strategies we might try at each phase. To see this in action, let’s imagine you’ve been invited to the same party as your least-favorite ex and their new partner. Your first strategy could be avoiding the situation altogether by skipping the party. But if you do attend, you could also try modifying the situation by choosing not to interact with your ex. If that’s proving difficult, you might want to shift your attention, maybe by playing a game with your friends rather than focusing on your ex’s new partner. Another option would be to re-evaluate how you think about the situation. After seriously reappraising things, you might realize that you don’t care who your ex dates. If none of these strategies work, you can always try tempering your emotional response after the fact. But this can be tricky. Many of the easiest ways to do this, like hiding your emotions or trying to change them with recreational drugs, generally lead to more negative feelings and health concerns in the long term. More sustainable strategies here include going for a long walk, taking slow, deep breaths, or talking with someone in your support system.

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While using all these strategies well takes practice, learning to notice your emotions and reflect on where they’re coming from is half the battle. And once you’ve truly internalized that you can regulate your emotions, doing so becomes much easier. But should you use these techniques to constantly maintain a good mood? That answer depends on how you define what makes a mood “good.” It's tempting to think we should always try to avoid sadness and frustration, but no emotion is inherently good or bad— they’re either helpful or unhelpful depending on the situation. For example, if a friend is telling you about the loss of a loved one, feeling and expressing sadness isn’t just appropriate, it can help you empathize and support them. Conversely, while it’s unhealthy to regularly ignore your emotions, forcing a smile to get through a one-time annoyance is perfectly reasonable.

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We hear a lot of mixed messages about emotions. Some pressure us to stay upbeat while others tell us to simply take our emotions as they come. But in reality, each person has to find their own balance. So if the question is: “should you always try to be happy?” The answer is no. Studies suggest that people fixated on happiness often experience secondary negative emotions, like guilt, or frustration over being upset, and disappointment that they don't feel happier. This doesn't mean you should let sadness or anger take over. But strategies like reappraisal can help you re-evaluate your thoughts about a situation, allowing you to accept that you feel sad and cultivate hope that things will get better.